Me in English

It’s a gloomy day today. And today is “Pokrov” (The holiday of the Intercession of the Mother of God). I intended to go to church but didn’t. We went to bed very late again yesterday.

Max has come to tune up our piano. He’s already been working for almost 4 hours.
He must finish soon as he’s leaving for Arzamas tonight.

These days I’ve been busy making up a wish list of toys for Glasha. I also ordered some Gymboree clothes for her in a LJ community (I participate in so-called cooperative purchases). Well, it’s squandering, of course, but there are so pretty dresses on their site that I couldn’t resist:-) I seem to have caught a disease called “virtual shopping for children”:-)

*****

9.00 p.m. now.

Max left. Serge came. Glasha’s sleeping.
I’m making a new experiment in the kitchen. It’s called “achma”. It’s a Georgian dish. I’ve never tried it yet, but it’s a sort of a layered cheese cake. I wonder what will come of it:-)

Well, yes. That's another try of mine to keep a journal in English....

When you don't write in a diary for some time, you don't know what to start with then. It seems to you that there's nothing to write about and there are too many things to write about at the same time. I feel a sort of tongue-tied (if I can say so in relation to writing:-)
So I think, I start with some primitive things. To warm up a little.

Today is Monday. It's driving to the end. It's a half past 7 p.m. Serge came from work and had supper. Glasha's playing by herself in the liviing room (Hah! Do we have a living room?). So I have some minutes to spare and can relax at last!
Today was a busy day although there was nothing but routine. We woke up late again. At 10.30:-( I really want to break somehow this state of affairs and start getting up earlier. But Glasha goes to sleep very late (after 1 a.m.) and then I have this most precious time of the day when she's finally asleep and I can have some time of peace and relaxation. So I linger with going to bed and surf online till 2.
And then again I can't drag myself from under the blanket at 8 or at least at 9! But everyday I hope that NEXT DAY I'll do it...

So in the morning I had no minute to spare as I had to make borsch and do my morning routine and feed Glasha with breakfast and then declutter the cabinet in the corridor for 15 minutes and then to vacuum and  mop the floors. And when I was finally through with all this stuff and prepared myself to go out, Glasha suddenly fell asleep. She dozed for 20 minutes sucking the bub and then woke up. And then we got dressed and FINALLY went out. It was 15.40. The weather was good. It cleared out but it was still chilly and windy. We went to the playground and played in the sandpit a little. I showed Glasha how to make sand pies. The sand was wet and Glasha's clothes and hands got really dirty. Then I swung her in a swing. She loves swinging! And then we made a circle around the park in the stroller and came home. At home we ate the soup and I was sure she would fall asleep after our walk. But she didn't! She's doing it now, I mean, dozing with the bub in her mouth again. And this means that she'll go to sleep late at night again. grrrr...

CHRIST IS RISEN!

I still can't get into the habit of writing here regularly.
So much to write about April...

Well, first of all, April is a month of birthdays. My Mom has 4 kids and 3 of them were born in April:-) Me and two my brothers.
So we've had a few parties recently:-) They were all quite modest, however.
On my birthday we had a small tea party. I got wonderful presents and the main was a laptop from my dearest hubby:-)
He's so kind and generous and is spoiling me:-) So now I have a personal computer which is totally mine and which I can take with me wherever I go:-))
I enjoy every second I use it:-)

We've finally had our new wardrobe assembled. We were waiting for so long! It's light almost white and beautiful and has several drawers so I hope our things will be in a better order now.
We moved back Glasha's bed (in which she doesn't sleep) and the chest of drawers and now there's much less space in our bedroom which is tiny as it is. But I like it how it all looks. Quite cosy. Only curtains are needed.

Glasha crawls! She can crawl the whole room and the corridor on her tummy and get the kitchen this way! She grasps and tastes everything she can reach. She opens all the doors and drawers. Her two favourites are cables and slippers. She also learnt to say 'ta' and 'da' and is charming now our ears by her babbling. It's such a fun! We can't stop laughing!

Lent is coming to an end. Well, unfortunately, I can't say I've spent it well as I should have, I haven't been a good faster this year. But I managed to commune on Palm Sunday (We call it Pussy-willow Sunday here in this country, btw). I didn't commune since last summer and it's toooo long.
Today I'm cooking a "kulich" (a traditional Easter cake). By myself for the first time! I've just put it into the oven and it smells AMAZING in the kitchen now! Will it taste amazing as well, I wonder?
This year we won't go to church for the night service. It's impossible with a baby as churches are overcrowded on Pasha but we'll go on Sunday morning.

I'm having a splitting headache right now. It's been aching since the afternoon.
We woke up early in the morning and went to the clinic to have a blood test.
Then Glasha refused to sleep. I tried to get her to go to sleep three times. The last one (at 6 p.m.) was successful but didn't last long. Some dogs in the yard began barking and woke her up.
So I didn't get my three usual hours of rest, and if I don't get them, I get pretty irritable by the evening. And yet this headache.... And Glasha keeps whining now and then. And I'm so tired of carrying her all day long. And Serge has had a hard day today so soon after he had supper he dozed off. So I'm alone again with no one to expect help from.
And I'm tired and sleepy and dissatisfied with myself again as I have failed to do all the things which I planned to do. And I say to myself again "OK, tomorrow will be a new day and I'll do it better and I'll be more productive". But tomorrow it will be all the same...

Today we've had our new wardrobe delivered. Well, actually it's not a wardrobe yet, but just 19 packages of boards! They took almost the whole free space in our bedroom. Now we are waiting for a furniture assembler to come and make all these boards a real wardrobe:-)

Our home is pretty a mess now because we had to move the chest of drawers into the corridor and to dissemble Glasha's bed. And there's also that huge box from our new 40" LCD TV filled with old video cassettes which takes up half a room and which Serge don't know what to do with.
And there are also Glasha's toys scattered all over the floor. And I like cleanness and order so this mess is getting on my nerves a little.

Glasha is learning to crawl on her tummy!! She can crawl up to the computer desk now and open the lowest drawer! And she also can reach the cables and outlets which is my new headache now.

We went out shopping today. I bought the first porridge for Glasha and some spinage for me but can't decide what to cook with it.

Serge went to the hospital today and got an appointment for the drainage on the first of April.
He seems to be afraid of this Gestapo (as I call it) procedure more than me!

Well...I'm dissatisfied with the way I live. I have so many plans, projects on the list but do very little. Mostly I sit online and read something. I know that I can't read the whole Internet but I go from one link to another and just can't stop!
I want to be more self-organized and active, to get up earlier, to do my workout regularly, to eat healthier food, to read more (books, not the Internet!), to use every spare minute to work at my textbook, to practice English more, to knit faster:-))

Wow, I haven't been writing anything here for almost a month!
Don't even know why. I've been really lazy recently...
There are a couple of things which have happened during this period of time.

First of all, my Granny died:-(( She was my great-grandmother and this January we celebrated her 90th birthday. She was very weak and the flu became the last straw.
These were really hard days for my Mom why was taking care of Granny and she was on the verge of a nervous breakdown as she couldn't stand the sight of a slowly dying person.
Now it's all over. I pray that Lord may have mercy on her and rest her soul!

On the day of the funerals we went to the graveyard and took Glasha with us.
Now that I have an Ergo baby carrier I'm more mobile. I can go wherever I want now - shopping, guests etc. It also allows me to vary our walking routes as I'm pretty sick and tired of walking the same routes for 7 months!! I almost don't get tired of carrying Glasha. She sits quietly, looks around or just sleeps. So it was really worth buying!

We've got a referral for a drainage of the lachrymal sacs...Ohh...

I'm watching Bleak House now. There are 15 episodes. Frankly speaking, I didn't expect a movie based on Dickens' novel to be so exciting:-) But it's really good.

I've started to knit a dress for Glasha. I'm looking forward to see it:-)

Well, well, well…let us see what has happened since my last entry here…

Glasha learnt to roll back-to-belly!! YES!!! It happened 11 days ago, the next day after she turned 6 months. I already began to worry that she couldn’t do it. I taught her, showed it to her by my own example, exercised with her a lot, begged her, but all was in vain until one beautiful day when she decided to make her Mom happy at last and did it!

But there is another problem which is troubling me – the eyes. Her darcryocistitis never ends. Yesterday we went to the oculist and she prescribed new drops, the fifth already, and if these don’t work, then she’ll give us a referral for a surgery. I don’t want a surgery!!! I fear a surgery!! I hoped to avoid it and I still do. But I’m also tired of washing out the pus out of her eyes each day. So if these drops and massaging don’t help, we’ll have to consent:-(

Yesterday was Serge’s birthday. He had said he didn’t want to celebrate it and had told me not to bother about it and not to cook anything special and so I didn’t. But then I realized how stupid of me it was to listen to him!! I should have cooked something unusual or prepared some surprise for him. He would have been glad because it would have been totally unexpected. But I didn’t have enough wit for it. What a fool I can be sometimes:-( I had a present for him, however, - “valenki”:-) He asked me to buy them as he thinks they are the best way to keep one’s feet warm, especially when you have a cold. And this is quite topical as he hasn’t felt well for the last two days. Mom and Misha have fallen ill with flu too, by the way. There is an outbreak of it in Moscow now:-(

It's almost 5 but it's still light outside. I was admiring the sky coloured in pinkish hues by the sunset and all of a sudden I felt that the winter is coming to an end and that the spring is already in the air despite the deep snowdrifts lying on the ground. I even didn't have to go out to feel it. It was all in the sky. This mere thought cheered me up at once. I'm looking forward to this spring...

These two days were good. Well, nothing special happened, neither did I do anything extraordinary, but generally I was more active and productive and wasn’t sitting online all the time. I think it’s due to my early rising. Yesterday Glasha suddenly woke up at 7 a.m. and then woke me at 8. So I had to get up and 15 minutes later I was thankful to Glasha for it as I had the whole day ahead of me. I believe I’m an early riser at heart as I really enjoy morning hours but unfortunately I cannot always overcome sleepiness. The pillow is soooo soft and the blanket is soooo warm in the morning:-)))) I want to get into the habit of getting up at 7 or even at 6.30 so that I could work at my textbook for one or two quiet hours while Glasha is still asleep.(Well, in fact, it’s premature to speak about “a textbook”, but anyway I need to find some time to see at least whether IT will become a textbook or not).

Today it was sunny! AT LAAAST! The sun was so bright and the sky was so blue that I would have committed a crime if I had stayed at home. So we took a walk along the river and I wished again I had taken some bread for the ducks. We walked for an hour and a half and then waited for Serge so that he would help me to lift the pram.

Today was My Cleaning (or Home blessing) Day and it took me three solid hours (instead of two) to tidy up the flat so now I’m pretty tired and I think I don’t need to do my workout today as I have had enough exercise:-)

I’ve decided to resume my daily walks. Last week I stayed mostly indoors as Glasha sleeps wonderfully on the balcony and I don’t have to go out because of her. Besides, the weather is so gloomy these days. But I need some fresh air too, I guess.

Well, I’ve just written that Glasha “sleeps wonderfully” but actually I begin doubting that it is still true. Yesterday she refused to sleep in the afternoon at all and when she finally gave in I was so exhausted that I wished only to fall flat on the bed and not to stir. My body was aching from carrying this almost-9-kilo-heavy baby for several hours running. Today it was better, though she fell asleep late again.

Today I was reflecting on one of my favourite topics – how many kids I’d like to have and whether it’s possible to raise lots of children and have time for other things. I’ve always wanted to have several children, not fewer than 4:-) As I was a child I had 2 brothers (now I have 3!) and it didn’t seem to me that there were too many of us (Our parents might have a different opinion, though:-). So that’s why “a lot of” starts from 4 for me. However, I can’t imagine myself being a mom of 10 or 15. From 4 to 6 is the best option for me. What is troubling me is whether it’s possible to be a good mom to four or five kids, to keep our home clean and beautiful and to stay active and mobile at the same time, to work a little, to realize some crazy projects that are always on my mind, to travel, to find time for my hobbies etc.?
I googled today on this topic and found some interesting sites and blogs devoted to large families. I like reading stories about large families so I hope to find there some useful and practical advice for the future:-)

Well, today is Tuesday. I like Tuesday because it’s My Ironing Day. I used to hate ironing but then I found a way to enjoy it. I watch movies while ironing!
So last week I finished watching “Wives and Daughters” and I really enjoyed it! It’s made in the best traditions of BBC costume dramas. It’s based on a novel by Elizabeth Gaskell. I’ve never heard about ger before but now I’ve got interested. She turned out to be the author of ”North and South” as well!
Today I watched “Black Beauty”. I remember watching a series based on this novel but now I can’t find it anywhere only this film. Well, I don’t think that I like it when animals talk in movies. Besides, the film turned out to be too short and a little bit boring. The views and horses are beautiful, though.

That’s it for today, I think.

Glasha is sleeping on the balcony, I'm sipping green tea with raspberry jam and feel reluctant to do my workout today. What a bright, sunny day it was yesterday, and what a gloomy day it is today! It's snowing heavily. Probably, that's why I'm so sleepy and lazy today. I more feel like writing, reading or watching something rather than being active.
I planned to take all the necessary measurements today and calculate the quantity of fabric I will need to sew curtains, a coverlet, pillowcases and a canopy for our bedroom. But I do not have much energy to do it either.

Still I must exercise today,at least for 15 minutes!

And after it I'll watch another episode of "Wives and Daughters". It seems not bad, though not Austen's.

I'm really determined to refresh this journal - to change the layout, edit the Profile info, join new communities and find new friends!

I've decided to resume this journal and try to keep it updating as regularly as possible.
One of the reasons is that I miss English. I want to speak it, listen to it, read and write in it.
Now that I am a stay-at-home mom, I do not work, do not translate anything, so I'm afraid that if it continues like that, I'll begin to forget the language.

Besides, I don't know why, but speaking another language makes me feel a little bit different person, franker, more candid. It's easier for me to say some things in a foreign language. In Russian they seem to me too personal or too trivial and i wouldn't write them in my Russian blog, partially because it's read by people who I know in real or just because it has a different style.


Now I thought that I have too many diaries and I don't know how to keep updating them all. I have an ordinary paper diary which is most personal, then I have "a family diary" where I write about Glasha and all the events which happen in our family and which I'm going to read aloud to my children in the future. I have my LJ where I write things which I want to share with other people. Then I have a paper diary in English, finally, I have this one. It seems like I'm a "diary freak":-) Why do I need so many? Because, on the one hand, I want to share and communicate, on the other - I want to write about some very personal things which worry me, and writing them down sets my mind at rest, it's like I get free of them.

OK, I'll continue later. It's time for Glasha's massage now:-)

I've been sitting at the computer all day long again.
I was trying to find the Russian equivalents for some origami terms (I'm translating a book about origami from French now).
But there are still some untranslated left:-(

It's been getting dark earlier since we switched to winter time.
And I'm sitting here alone just as usual. I don't mind being alone in the afternoon, I just do not notice my loneliness beign busy with my work, housekeeping, hobbies etc. But when night comes, I always feel a little bit depressed. And I wait impatiently for S. to come. And when he comes, then everything is OK again. I feel that we are a family:-)
But still something is missing. And I even know what. Or rather, whom.
I hope everything will be different when there is a baby:-)
I'm longing for it. But there are lots of things which should be done before IT happens.
For example, I should have all the teeth filled:-)
But I feel reluctant to go to the dentist. I have a horror of dentists!!
Yet I realze that I MUST do it! For myself and for the future generations:-)

Things are still the same. And I still cannot change my daily routine and improve my lifestyle.
I get up too late, most often – about 11 a.m. or noon so I fail to do all the things which I planned to do the day before. My days are too short and at night I can’t get to sleep for a long time :-(
I like mornings when your head is clear and you have plenty of time ahead.
But I don’t know why it is so hard for me to wake up earlier now…

Well, I took to watching “Lost”. It’s really an exciting film, at times so thrilling.

And yesterday I watched a documentary called “Mad Dogs”. It was about animal attack cases when game dogs such as Staffordshire terriers or rottweilers and others which were kept at homes as pets suddenly went for their owners or, what’s more dreadful, for small children, killing or mutilating them. Or, for example, they showed a circus elephant that killed several workers but is still in the show. And a Bengal tiger who bit off a little girl’s arm when she gave it some grass...
These are all horrible stories. But this is the reality.
And the most horrible thing is that nobody was punished. There is still no law in Russia, unlike in many European countries, which would regulate such cases. Owners in this country do not account for the actions of their pets even if these actions lead to death.
I do love animals, but I agree with those who say that it’s necessary to prohibit keeping some breeds of dogs in flats.

Ooops! I haven't dropped in here for more than a half a year! Shame on me! However, it was not all my fault. University...
But now it's over and I've turned over a new leaf ...

...and when I turned it over I found myself at the crossroads and I don't know where to go.
I'm totally free now and can do anything what I like. But I must work, they say. It's not that I do not want to work. Actually, I'm eager to have a job which would suit me!!
But I feel reluctant to LOOK FOR it. The process itself makes me sick. I'm wanting self-confidence more than ever. At times I think that I'm good for nothing, that I know no thing and can do nothing...
I made myself, however, write a resume (or how do you call it - "curriculum vitae"?)and a cover letter and to send all this to one of the publishing houses, with my hands trembling and without much hope for success.
The job of my dreams is translating books about hobbies, needlework, home, gardening etc. as well as popular science.
I want to be a freelancer, to sit at home with a cup of green tea and work at my computer:-)
But the problem is that I was not taught to be a translator and I do not have much experience so it reduces my chances.
But who knows! I'll find something, after all.

Now it's 10.30 p.m.
I'm alone again. Serge has lots of things to do at work.
I've done quite a lot of things today, too!:-)
I cleaned one of the kitchen cupboards, did some washing up, made myself do some exercises for my waist, I danced flamenco and played the castenets for a while, I began to translate an artice about ...different kinds of floors (for the sake of practice), listened to the BBC..
So the day was not wasted!:-)

It's still very cold. It's only 17 degrees above zero inside! No wonder that I slept till 1 p.m in my little warm burrow:-)
Stll can't make myself start working at my diploma paper..It seems too boring, I'm just not made for science, I believe.
I mean I'm not a theoretician, I'm a practician.
What I'm really interested in at the moment is trying new recipes (yum-yum).
Now that I have more free time these days I'm going to cook something new for a change:-)
I've already found tons of them with photos so probably this weekend I'll try pea soup with pork and croutons, layered chicken salad and chocolate mousse:-)
I hope it will please my hubby:-)

Today I was listening to the BBC radio online (again for the sake of practice!) and there was an interview with Dolly Parton.
This year she's celebrating her 60th anniversary. That was really exciting to listen to her.
I like her songs but I knew practically nothing about her life.
It was interesting to learn that she grew in a very poor family where there were 12 children!!
And I liked what her mother used to tell her about being rich or poor: being rich is a state of mind.
She said "We had always something to eat, we had a roof over our heads, we had Mom and Dad and we had each other".
So though they were really poor they didn't know it. And I think that it's like things should be.
I mean that we often complain that we have not enough money for this and this and we sometimes think that we are poor.
But in fact we don't know what a real poverty is.
We have a lot. But we realize it only when we lose it. Unfortunately.

These days we are having real frosts here in Moscow!
That's what we call "Kreshenskie morozi" because these frosts usually come before the Epiphany day (Kreshenie).
Tonight is going to be the coldest night for many years - about 35 degrees below zero!
Brrr...It's freezing even inside. My feet are cold and I'm sitting here wrapped in a plaid.
I can't say that I'm a great fan of cold and winter but I think there must be a few days like these just to remeber what a real Russian winter is:-)

I'm back here again!
I've decided to resume this journal first of all for the sake of practice.
Last months I haven't been writing much in all my diaries and journals.
Decemer was especially difficult.
I retired from the school where I had worked for 2, 5 years. This year I was given too many working hours, I could hardly cope with it and had to do a lot at the expense of my own classes at University. But I was patient until some problems emerged during my teaching practice. It was a great headache because the administration forgot that they had signed the application and denied this fact. I was accused of everything but falsehood. Besides the senior teacher didn't support me.
Shortly, for those two stressing days of my life I lost 2 kilos and self-confidence, confidence in my forces and in my knowledge.
But now I think I've already worked through it and I'm happy I left this place. Now I can enjoy an ordinary life of an ordinary student. I've already forgotten what it's like to study without working.

The New Year's Day was another nightmare:-) I was rushing about shops buying presents, food and all the stuff. On the 31th I still had lots of things to do and in the end we sat down at the table only at 23.50! It was unheard-of!
No wonder that the next two days I could do nothing but lying on the sofa, watching TV, eating and sleeping.

Then there were exams. But in fact there were practically no exams for me:-) Everything was easy except the History of the English Literature. That week I slept for two hours a day trying to read tons of old and medieval English literature.
But thanks God it's all past. Now there are 20 days of holidays and freedom. Though still limited. I have to write my diploma paper (It's the last opportunity!).
But there are pleasant moments too. For example, I'm going to sew a flamenco skirt!:-)